The patient awakened after the operation to find herself in a room
with all the blinds drawn.
Why are all the blinds closed?" she asked her doctor.
Well," the surgeon responded, "They're fighting a huge
fire across the street, and we didn't want you to wake up and think
the operation had failed."
|A doctor was having an affair with his nurse.
Shortly afterward, she told him that she was pregnant. Not wanting
his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to
go to Italy and have the baby there.
But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked.
He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write "spaghetti" on
the back. I'll take care of expenses." Not knowing what else to
do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.
Six months went by, and then one day the doctor's wife called him at
the office and said, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard
in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means."
The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I will explain
it to you."
Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, and fell
to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the hospital
emergency room. The head medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He
asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.
So the wife picked up the card and read: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti,
Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs; two without."
|Hank Smith gets home from work one day and
finds his wife has been crying. "What's wrong?" he asks.
John, promise you won't get mad, but I went to see the new doctor today
and he told me I've got a pretty pussy."
WHAT?" he shouts. With that he grabs a baseball bat from the cupboard
and storms down to the doctor's office and through the reception area.
Without knocking he bursts into the doctor's office. The doctor is
in the process of giving an old lady a breast examination. She screams
and tries to cover herself. Without waiting, Mr. Smith charges up to
the doctor, smashes the baseball bat down on the desk and says, "You
flaming pervert how dare you say my wife has a pretty pussy!"
The doctor replies, "I'm sorry Mr. Smith, but there has been a
misunderstanding. I only told your wife that she has Acute Angina."
|A doctor is going about his business, with
a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear. He goes into a staff meeting
to discuss the days activities, when a co-worker asks why he has a
thermometer behind his ear? In a wild motion he grabs for the thermometer,
looks at it and exclaims, - "Damn, some asshole has my pen!"
One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really
hurts. I guess
I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that.
There's a computer at the drug store that can
diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply
put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose
your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only
Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with
a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the
computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The computer started making some noise and various lights
started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small
slip of paper which read:
You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid
heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology
was and how it would change medical science forever, he began
to wonder if this could be fooled. He decided to give it a
try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool
sample from his dog, and urine samples
from his wife and daughter. To top it
off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured
in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The machine again made the usual noises, flashed lights, and
printed out the following analysis:
Your tap water is too hard.
Get a water softener.
Your dog has ringworm.
Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
Your daughter is using cocaine.
Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
Your wife is pregnant . . . twin girls.
They aren't yours.
Get a lawyer.
And if you don't stop jerking off, your elbow will never get
|A woman and a baby come into the doctor's
office. She is taken into an examining room and waits for the doctor.
After arriving there, the doctor examines the baby, and finds him not
gaining much weight and asks the woman, "Is he breast fed or on
the bottle?" "Oh...he is breast fed!", replied the woman. "Well
then, strip down to your waist," orders the doctor. She takes
off her top and bra and sits on the examing table. The doc starts pressing,
kneading and pinching both breasts for quite a while in a very detailed
and thorough examination. The doc motions to her to get dressed, then
the doctor says - "No wonder this baby is so hungry. You don't
have any milk!" The woman with a wry grin on her face responds..."Well
of course I don't." "I'm his aunt - but I'm SURE GLAD I brought